right now i'm living in the diyno haus right behind the hip hop fish 'n' chicken with my two good friends kevin neidorf and chris hill. its really cool, we've had a lot of sweet house shows and other random events since we've moved in, in august.
im taking a bunch of random classes, and djing the punk show on the fsu radio station. http://www.wvfs.fsu.edu/
my car got totaled about a week ago. i was sitting in traffic when a dodge ram rear ended me. no tire squeals or anything. i didn't get injured but my car was completely fucked. its not so bad though. i only really drove about once a week anyway and now i get a bunch of insurance money and don't have to worry about paying it off. its going to be biking and mooching off my friends for rides from here on out.
wrote a term paper on sherman's march to the sea on my birthday a few days and went on a date with a super cool girl.
the fest on friday and i'm pretty excited although i'm not too excited for any of the headlining bands, it should still be a blast to see my brother and all my old friends from gainesville.
i'm still fucked up about mike's death, probably always will be. i think about him everyday. it's unreal to think that i will never see my friend again. i just gotta cope.
my roommates got this kitten, stevesie. he is really cute but bites like crazy.
despite speed bumps here and there, life is pretty alright.
lately so i'm back in tally for the entire summer. right now, im taking a class for the first half of the summer and another for the second. i spend most of my days biking around this town, swimming, and playing bike polo when im not in class. i'm taking black american film, which is an african american history class taught through various documentaries and movies. so far its so so. as of a few weeks ago i officially became a social science education and history double major. i don't have a job which rules, but i have to be conservative in my spending as a result.
i spend most my days with tom papp, brittany barrett, patrick shepherd, shannen windfield, the kevins, and the evans (my roommates). though they arent with me physically, i constantly think of shae, my mother, andy, and mike. its been about 2 months since mike has died and not a day goes by when i don't think of him and how he would react to the movies, music, and news that is all around me.
this summer i plan to go to detroit for some kind of healthcare and socialism conference that the center for participate education is paying for (will hopefully be sneaking into canada!) and D.C. for the Cap'n Jazz reunion.
Mike and I first met when I was fifteen years old outside of an Anchorite Four show at the skate park right next to the Red Sox stadium downtown. Ray and I had gone to the show together and our friend Rob Salinas had just gotten his drivers license a few weeks prior. Rob was driving Kim Vaughan and Mike around when he stopped to pick Ray and I up to go to Steak 'n' Shake to enjoy coffee, french fries, and of course milk shakes. From that night on Mike and I quickly became close friends. Shortly after he got his driver's license he introduced me to Josh Mann and we all began our love affair with Waffle House. Just about everyday we would end our night at the Waffle House on Palm Beach Blvd. just past the interstate. We would drink multiple cups of coffee and Mike would always get the nastiest item on the menu, the steak and cheese sandwich on Texas Toast. A picture that always comes to mind when talking of Mike is the one where he is holding up said sandwich with the Waffle House sign in the background with a proud look on his face. We saw something in Waffle House that no other people saw. It was delightfully trashy with the sweet smell of trash and there was never a dull moment. It had a constant flow of truckers, drunkards, and the extended family of employees all of who we regularly interacted with while very, very jacked on caffeine. At Waffle House we talked about everything. Family, girls, music, places, school, politics, movies, television, we never ran out of things to talk about and would sometimes chat till sunlight. We would still try to visit Waffle House whenever we were in town together. One summer morning during our high school years Mike, Josh, and I had been driving around town all night and found ourselves standing outside of a Winn Dixie in North Fort Myers. The sun had just come up and we all had a bizarre craving for Check peach soda floats. We probably waited outside of Winn Dixie for an hour before it opened. We went inside and bought, I want to say 3 twelve packs of Check peach soda and a quart of French Vanilla ice cream. We each downed a can of peach soda on the spot and went back to my house to make the floats. After consuming a disgusting amount of ice cream and peach soda on empty stomachs, we all got pretty sick and tried to sleep it off but the feeling lingered for the rest of the day, for me at least. Mike was always discovering new music and constantly turning me on to bands that I had never heard of. When we were in high school, we would drive around town and blare a CD I believe we found at a thrift store entitled, “Scary Sounds”. It was meant for a haunted house of some sort and had tracks that sometimes minutes long of chewing meat sounds, screaming, chains with screaming, barking with screaming, a witch cackling, and many other classics. We laughed until tears streamed down our faces. For me, high school was completely different after he left town to go to the University of Florida. Luckily, I had the pleasure of living with him from August 2007- April 2008. Living with Mike in Gainesville was one of the best times of my life. He showed me the ropes of Gainesville when I was a scared little 18 year old Freshmen. We both spent most of our days at 'Fat City' where Ray, John Jerry, Nick Huggins, and Scott Cook resided. The place, in many ways like Waffle House, was delightfully trashy and never had a dull moment. Many of the nights at Fat City were spent around a fire that was held together by an old dryer drum. Sometimes we had to fend off the schizophrenic Vietnam vet, Vern, that lived in the upstairs of the house who always thought we were out to get him and I guess sometimes we were. I rediscovered this conversation from a few years back between Mike (youarecorpulent) and Evan Thompson (Zhander404). In reference to this conversation Mike said, “The humor that pours out of our minds should be bottled up and sold because we are so sweet that a profit must somehow be made.” Mike and Evan proved that ye olde English can still be funny.
youarecorpulent: schmevan Zhander404: shmike youarecorpulent: how doth the day go? Zhander404: the sun, she rose slowly, yet i did not see it, my day has moved as if thrice the ammount of time hath passed, how hath your day treateth thee Zhander404: praps as a fatherless child, or praps as the king of the land of espania, only thou canst inform the unimformed youarecorpulent: oh when thine eyes awoken from their slumber like the sun peering over the horizion, the sight which beheld my dreamy gaze was that of no other than my dearest father. we are to leave at once to the estate of my grandmothers for the joyful celebration that is easter Zhander404: was it a joyus occasion dear brother? youarecorpulent: yet i am sad to say my dearest father pushes the hour upon which we leave further and further away until i fear that the night will accompany our journies Zhander404: there are far worse compainions than the night on a long journey my young michael youarecorpulent: oh no my dear evan it takes four of our lords hours to come upon this destination Zhander404: by thors hammer youarecorpulent: and it shall be as joyous as crows pecking away at a ripe carcass layed upon the side of the street youarecorpulent: dude youarecorpulent: talking like this is sweet Zhander404: tis a long time dearest micheal youarecorpulent: we should talk like they do in clockwork orange Zhander404: definately Zhander404: the young lass zahara bids you a happy today Zhander404: i dictated our previous conversations to our female accomplice zahara, she found great ammounts of humor in our tone youarecorpulent: oh my i find myself giggling with glee, whered'th thy spiritual capsules reside at this moment? Zhander404: im afraid in the glorious text, which you so expertly composed, have been lost to my still infantile mind, alas, i require you to repeat your prose youarecorpulent: haha youarecorpulent: where are you and zahara hanging out at? Zhander404: ahh, she felt it neccessary, to which i so humbly agreed, that she must bathe, for sheth wreaked of the fowl swine she is forbidden to take eat of Zhander404: i await the pigeon that signals her end youarecorpulent: madame zahav has dined on swine? oh this is most unusual news! if our minds are meeting like i have come to believe they are, thou is residential in this moment and waiting for the ring from the telephone that will at once be picked up thus hurling you into engaged conversation with the one who dines on the forbidden meat Zhander404: you hath misunderstood my musings, her occupation is that of a swine dealer Zhander404: not of a swine diner youarecorpulent: haha Zhander404: she labors where they prepare the swine with the essense of the fragile bumble bee Zhander404: (honeybaked ham) youarecorpulent: oh yes yes of course she portakes in the art of uh baking hams in delictable honey youarecorpulent: haha the essence of the fragine bumble bee Zhander404: i truely enjoy these conversals that thou and i have, our maner of speak which is far beyond the mere pions that we associate ourselves with is not only coitus to the ear, but alas it shows the true superior mind that we have been gifted with by the lords wisdom youarecorpulent: oh evan, the capacity of our brains in comparison to those other apelike creatues, in which we must share oxygen with, is like comparing a pentium four processer to that of a mere graphing calculator! tingles seem to flow down my spine like beams of light flowing down from the moon when i think of how much more intelligent thou and thine are Zhander404: tis an honour to speak to thee, in such a manor Zhander404: to fixate ourselves, above those who polute our air with the perversions of the good kings english language, tis a shame such bipedal bags of excriment exist youarecorpulent: haha youarecorpulent: when the clock strikes eight and the sun doth fall into its expected slumber will evan's presence be graced at the celebratory ball of the legality of one man to drink upon the firewater? Zhander404: this mans presence was upon the true celebration of the one score plus one aniversery of the birth of monsieur schiller, tis only fitting that he shall be at the second for those who were on leave to see the sight and sound of Interpol youarecorpulent: haha youarecorpulent: that one was fucking awesome
Mike was one of the most straight up kids I have ever met. He formed his own opinions, was never afraid to speak his mind and would not hold back to tell you if he thought you were wrong or had contradicted yourself. He was incredibly intelligent and had common sense. I often would go to him for advice and he would not lead me astray. Mike always had my back through thick and thin as I had his. I loved him like a brother. Mike dying is the toughest thing that has happened to me since my own father died when I was 16 which he very much helped me through. I'll keep his memory alive as long as I'm alive. I'll tell my children and their children about all the chaos and good times we had together when we were in high school and college. I'm going to end this with a quote about friendship written by Mike. “I look back at everyone who i know is a close friend of mine and there is one thing that they all have in common. Its that they all do not bullshit to me. Im not talking about basic social bullshit. Its more like the realization that we are such good friends that there is no need to attempt and try to bullshit about any sort of topic as if either of us do not know what is really going on. If you look around yourself and look at how most people handle situations and you think exactly about what is meant behind the words. Like viewing beyond words past the bullshit and you see a stupid reason for them to lie to you. Its like most people lie to you for fear of hurting you or upseting your feelings or whatever the fuck. But if you look at those people who actually acknowledge the fact that no matter what is said or what happens you both know that you two still love each other and that the desire to say anything beyond reality is not needed. No matter what you and them are good friends and are there for each other. After this point agruements and bickering ceases to exist and all that is left is two very compatable people who care very dearly about each other. Its a beautiful thing”
-Michael Marchewka
Ray and I are speaking at the funeral tomorrow I think, hopefully everyone will get a chance to.
lately i haven't updated livejournal in quite sometime now. mainly because i have so much fucking writing i have to do for school i just can't bring myself to update at the end of the day after i spent most of the day clickity clacking away on a keyboard. life hasn't been bad though. since i've moved to tally i've been able to focus more on school than i ever had in gainesville. mainly because there are a few less distractions, except being 21 now doesn't help. i have been biking more than ever, which rules. i joined a bike club. the hills here are pretty fucking serious and were hard getting used to, but i got this shit down now. because of that, i'm going to sell my car once this semester is over with. i'd rather have the money and not have to pay the insurance, especially if i'm driving it as little as i am. with that said, does anyone wanna buy a 2003 mitsubishi lancer 5-speed?
i've also been volunteering a lot at this relatively new info shop called free radicals. the kids are cool and it kinda reminds me of one of the place i miss the most in gainesville, wayward council. i assembled a show for this weekend there followed by a house show at my place, i'm pretty stoked about it.
i'm getting a drumset soon.
i just got done watching obama's speech on the troop increase. what a bunch of bullshit. no world power has ever been successful in afghanistan and we are no exception. im starting to think that he is doing this for republican political points because afghanistan is the one thing they support him on. fuck that. obama needs to listen to more crass. fight war not wars.
school can be a bummer. this semester i took a class on fascism and film and another on the vietnam war. i go from one class learning about the holocaust then right in to studying the massacre at my lai ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugh_Thompson,_Jr. ) as well as the countless other atrocities that occurred in vietnam/cambodia during the good ol' days. i can't complain, i tend to pay attention more when people are getting their heads cut off. i gotta watch schindler's list tonight, popcorn anyone?
i'm going to double major come fall. history & social science and education. it shouldn't be too bad because half the classes are the same anyway AND! when i'm done, i'll be certified to teach in 23 states. my last year here i'll be a student teacher, which isn't too far off.
as intense as school can be, it's nice to not have to work. i don't plan on working for as long as i live here, unless i can get a job at the library or some shit.
i had a lot of fun seeing everyone when i was down for thanksgiving and i can't wait for christmas break, i'll be partying up in fort myers.
lately -been trying to make the remaining few weeks i have in this town worth a damn
volunteering a lot. about a week ago, everyone at the cmc was flipping their shit because we were in the hole $5000 that needed to be paid by the end of july (or else? im not sure.) anyways, so 15 people showed up last saturday to call every cardholder and everyone's who's membership had expired in the past two years to raise money. at the end of the day we had we had $1500 worth of pledges. everyone was really nervous. monday afternoon rolls around, and this dude that had donated a few computers and a projector a couple years back walked in. he said he felt bad because he hadn't been in in a while. he pulls out his checkbook and asks joe (one of the founders of the cmc) how much we needed, and wrote out a check for $5000 on the spot, completely saving the day.
it hasnt been a bad summer, all things considered.
we started a weekly game of midnight capture the flag at the thomas center. the first one went really well, a lot of random ass people showed up. most of the kids i had never seen before, but were all really nice. we captured each other flags into the wee hours of the morning.
it's going to be pretty hard leaving gainesville. i've made a lot of solid friends and been lucky enough to be involved in a few worthy causes.
so for the past few days i have been trying to hang out with as many people as possible. been drinking too much, but thats only temporary.
everynight i stay up till 5am and wake up at 1pm. thats about to change, i gotta be at work at 7am tomorrow to mop the entire palace. fuck.
pizza palace.
i'm going to really miss that place. best job (and some of the best food) i've ever had. i've been working there for over a year and a half now, i'm by far the longest serving employee at the restaurant. i've seen a lot of people come and go (fallin in love with a few) but everyone that works and has worked there has some how managed to get along with one another exceptionally well (not necessarily with duane, however). before i leave, i plan on having a big ol' palace pizza party, everyone's invited.
starting july 31st i'll be living in lil' john and danny's new house for two weeks before i move to tally. they got a spare room they said i could have and their house is a block from wayward. that should be fun.
then tallahassee.
as much as i'm going to miss gainesville, i'm really looking forward to the move. the house evan, evan, and i got looks really nice. it's in a really beautiful neighborhood (the student ghetto) and it's walking distance from fsu. if my schedule permits, i'm going to be a substitute teacher in leon county (i gotta fill out that paper work). apparently it has a dish washer too!!! don't ever take those machines for granted. seriously, the only thing brett and i fought about were the fucking dishes (sometimes we would really go at it too). besides the house being really nice, i look forward to living with those two chaps.
read this today and thought it was pretty interesting Letters sent from the front line in Helmand (Afghanistan) province by an experienced (British) soldier. They have been edited by the Observer only for operational security.
25 June
Dear S,
The army have binned the "snatch wagon" and replaced it with Vixen and we thought, fucking hell, they are really screwing the nut [doing well] this Labour government. That is until we saw a Vixen, which is a snatch with fancy wheels, and we think some wriggly tin slapped underneath. Basically it's a PR stunt so the government can say, yes, we can confirm all snatch Land Rovers have been withdrawn from theatre and replaced by the Vixen. They are better at smoke and mirrors than Paul Daniels. It's like painting an elephant red and renaming it a fire engine.
I am moving again, mate ... to take more ground off the Taliban, but the way the head shed [headquarters] are mate it's a fucking joke, we nod [see] 4 x Taliban 150m away in a compound the other day and we were denied to go in there and kill them. The OC [officer commanding] said it wasn't worth the risk and here was me thinking the infantry's mission was to close with and kill the enemy.
I really still cannot understand why we are here. These cunts are still harvesting the poppies and growing them right outside the comps [compounds]; it's a fucking joke. The positions must really believe everything they're told by the army commanders. If anything happens to me, don't let them tell people I believed in the mission, because I don't. I am here because I'm a paratrooper. I wanted to test myself in combat and that's the truth.
This place is a fucking joke and we should fuck these money-grabbing, smelly, lazy fuckers off [MPs] and spend the money on our own.
Well, mate, enough of the rant. I am off back to Camp Bastion for two days to have pizza, coke, tea from a mug, full English, get my clothes washed, shower, air conditioning, pie chips + gravy, newspaper and some decent sleep.
16 June
Dear J,
Well we are definitely not fucking winning anything and are just going out getting shot at, shooting back, waiting for some cunt in the ops room to make decision whether we can have fire support or not because we might set fire to a field of wheat and upset the locals (fucking criminal). Well, mate, I have been blown up again, but was in one of the new Mastiff vehicles and they can take a fair old fucking wallop. I am a bit deaf but none the worse for wear. We don't get to know much in the fobs [forward operating base] about what's going on around Afghanistan.
The head sheds are really bad mate and I think they make it up as they go along. The fob I am now in doesn't have vehicles come to it because they keep getting ambushed and keep going over IEDs at a bridge at a crossroads. You would think with all the surveillance assets we possess we could do something about it but we can't. I don't fucking rate the Taliban; in fact; they are shit houses. One minute they fight, the next they hide their weapons and say they are farmers. They are fucking cowards still I keep shooting them. I hit one last week who stepped onto the road because he thought he hit me.
We don't patrol out during the day from this fob because the Taliban are quick to react and as I said they are farmers one minute and Taliban the next. They must keep their weapons close to these compounds and bring them out when called. We mount a lot of night ambushes but to no avail ... it's about time we got stuck in and battered these fuckers.
We got smashed the other day, mate, and got pinned down in a compound 150 metres from the base. We fired the Javelin to cover our withdrawal but had to wait 10 minutes for smoke again - fucking criminal. I can honestly say mate I was fucking terrified and now know what the blokes went through waiting for the whistle in the trenches in WW1.
We sprinted 150 metres with tracer and dust flying everywhere and how nobody got killed or even hit I will never know. Life's OK out here; we have plenty of water and the new ration packs are great. We know if we get hit the choppers will come but if it's too dodgy then it's the Yanks who have more fucking balls than the RAF, they will come and get you. However in the Chinooks they have a surgical team in the back who are fucking brilliant. The new Mastiff wagons are great and have been blown up about 8 times with 1 minor back injury.
27 May
Dear S,
Well things here are very fucking strange mate and the head shed couldn't organise a chimp's tea party let alone fight the Taliban. We have 30 blokes here to defend a compound that doesn't stop 7.62 [calibre ammunition] and is limited when it comes to defence. We have 4 sangers, 1 in each corner, but no front gate (you could march the entire Mexican TA band in here) and it would be hard to stop ... in our fob we haven't a qualified medic.
The only person we have is an advanced team medic, but don't let that fool you, all he can do is a, b, c, d. or the 4 bases as they know them. He asked me if I knew how to drip people as he doesn't know how to. We have been promised a medic but none has arrived but we are still patrolling.
Every field here is overflowing with poppies and from the sangers we watch the farmers go about collecting the resin to make heroin and silly me, thought we were here to stop all that but maybe not.
When we go out on patrol we can only go 300 meters to our south and the shit hits the fan big time, as the Taliban are there and open up with everything when we step into the turf. All we own mate is the fob. And about 100m around it. Everywhere else mate is poppy fields and wheat and fuck all else.
Well mate there is loads more I can tell you, but I have to go. You need to get out here mate to see this fucking circus.
hello from seattle. this city is wicked rad. so far everything has been going pretty well on this trip(though its been roughly 15 hours since we got here). brett and i did literally no planning into this besides buying our tickets a few weeks back and asking john if he could drive us around. john called a few days ago to tell us he couldn't pick us up from seattle until tonight (he lives in portland) do to a job interview at a restaurant. so brett and i have been bumming around for the past day (we stayed in a cheap motel in des moines, washington last night). this nice middle age woman on the bus told us to go to this pike place market (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pike_Place_Market). so we went and it was pretty much everything i could ask for on a small strip of land overlooking elliot bay. it had the most complete comic book store i've seen in my entire life(barack obama has his own comic book series?).i picked up no logo for $6 at a used book store in the market! it also had a poster shop that had a ton of 20th century propaganda war poster reprints. there was a whole floor that was a giant farmers market (i bought a bunch of lychees).
tonight we venture down to portland to stay with john for a few days. not sure what we are going to do, but it will probably be something that i never forget.
after portland we are going to go down to california. i have two sets of aunts and uncles in the golden state, so hopefully i'll get a chance to see em. also, meagan should be in san francisco the same time i am, so i'll be meeting up with her most likely.
and to top it all off, the weather here is in the high 60's.
watched gummo the other day for the first time with hannah. holy shit. i dont remember the last time a movie has made me feel that uncomfortable. although the movies that i like the most are the ones that really stir me up (which this one definitely did), i would be perfectly content on never seeing this one again.
been watching renee's house for the past week. it's nice having a dog around again, although she pissed all over renee's bed last night (fuck!).
went to warren from against me!'s new restaurant, boca fiesta, last night with mike. i gotta say, i was really impressed. the food was really good (kinda pricey) and the service was excellent. warren quit against me to do boca fiesta and they picked up george rebelo from hot water music to be the new drummer for against me.
the past few days has kind of been a drag. ive been sick for a lot of it and im not seeing ilana anymore (not my decision). it's a bummer, but i didn't get too emotionally invested in it knowing that i am moving to tally come august and i'm also going to be in portland for two weeks. but i still liked the girl and didn't mind at all spending most days with her. we still see each other regularly and are on good terms, but its hard to make that adjustment immediately.
saw chuck ragan at common grounds last monday after seeing one of the most depressing documentaries ever, when the mountains tremble. i was going to sneak beer in, but i found out replay dave works at common grounds and he wasnt having any of it. talked with chuck and replay dave for a little bit afterward. i never really know what to say to him ever. i want to tell him how much his music means to me but i am sure he gets that pretty regularly and would feel like a dork.
renee has a pretty sick comic collection at her house. she has all the punishers that garth ennis (the writer of the preacher) wrote. they are super dark and brutal.
i rediscovered the game nfl blitz 2000 the other night with matt flanagan. we stayed up till 4am playing it, shit got so heated. (my poor roommates) we took a break and drove to the nearest waffle house to fill up on coffee and potatoes then went back to the cyber pig skin for another two hours.
the weekly shows that dave and i have been putting together at the cmc have been going really well. on tuesday, grabass, coffee project, and awesome city limits (jack from army of ponch) played and brought in a lot of people.
been working at the opp a lot. the past few days ive been working, duane has been making the specialty pizzas that everyone invented like 6 months ago. mine is a hit. it's called "lactose intolerance" and is a vegan pie. it has broccoli, carrots, onions, garlic, and has spicy vegan drizzled on the top. its probably the best vegan pizza i have had (the spicy vegan makes all the difference in the world).
been spending a lot of time with ilana, although she has been pretty overwhelmed with summer classes, its been going well. it's nice, everyone i hang out with it seems like is taking summer classes, but not me. suckers. it's been a really stress free summer, i gotta say. i've been able to come every weekday and open up wayward and shift for a few hours.
renee is leaving for boston for a week starting monday. she said if i watch her house/dog matty, she will give me free tattoos for life. i mean, i dont want to get covered with tattoos or anything but that is a pretty killer deal. she also told me i could have parties, though i dont think i will.
this morning the gainesville police department evicted every homeless person from tent city. some dude had just gotten out of jail after 20 years for manslaughter and shanked some homeless guy on monday. this is a really really bad idea. where the hell are they going to go? because the homeless literally have no where else to go (except the st. francis house which is already pretty packed as it is) they are estimating an influx of 200 people sleeping on the streets. the police are expecting and increase in burglary/theft because a lot of the homeless would rather be sleeping in jail than behind a dumpster. there is a glimmer of hope, however. the city is going to build another homeless center on 53rd ave. but that shit wont be done for another 18-24 months.
i mean tent city was no resort, but it was their home. and it cost the city of gainesville nothing to maintain.
the murder of 241 protestors (7,000 wounded) in the tiananmen square took place 20 years ago today. these people were murdered by their authoritarian government for demanding the basic rights we, as americans, enjoy today.
travis gave me all of his kombucha culture today, anyone want any microbe colonies in their body? he is leaving tomorrow to travel across our great nation. i plan on meeting up with him when i make it to the northwest with brett.
work has been pretty chill lately. it's the summer time so business is about half of what it usually is. though the tips arent as good as they use to be, its a hell of a lot less stressful than when its in season.
still finding porn in my room after a week.
watched the documentary, home movie, with ms. ilana last night. its done by the same director as american movie and is really quirky. it's about five crazy houses and the people that inhabit them (i.e. a house made out of an old missile silo, a tree house in a remote hawaiian valley, and a house completely and totally cat themed).
ate a shit ton of watermelon today.
im coming down to fort myers on june 11th for andy's day of birth (25!), who wants to party?
up and down just to see you smile with a cup of tea. i've seen better days. today i thought about giving up, given up on me, but the comfort still remains. a walk in the rain passing by your window, i asked myself, "is she dead?" holding you in my arms crying in the rain, i said nothing. i woke up by a phone call from my mom, i tried not to cry. say to me it's okay, she said it's okay then i remembered that i saw your eyes and not the rain. your family cried, your friends all cried, i finally cried when i realized what love is. sitting on the bathroom floor asking "why?" i think your stronger for wanting to stay alive. all of the sudden i thought you were leaving, didn't you know you gave me something to believe in? you kept me breathing when my times were down. the last time i saw you i took a good look at the sky. and you told me something. i should have said something, then i remembered that i saw your eyes and not the rain.
another day at the ol' wayward council. been doing a lot of volunteering lately, especially in the morning here because i only work dinner shifts now a days. i could spend days in this room. there is always someone coming and going. free coffee, new records, cold beer (once in a blue moon(pun)), and a simpsons chess set.
had a nice night last night. there was a ton of shit going on, but i feel like ive been going a little wild this past week with parties, shows, and alcohol. so i stayed in. ilana came over, home girl had an exam the next day in one of her english classes. stayed up till 3 am reading with her (with the occasional snes family feud match with brett in between the books). katie, elaina, and danny busted in at 4. and we shot the shit into the wee hours of the morning.
i also went to elaina's cello recital yesterday at the thomas center. she can really bust out a tune.
and now for some sinaloa lyrics
if i love one breath too much, and hold it too close, i will die in its depth. if i hate new air in my lungs, and push it out enough, that, too, will bring death. if i go too far, the road will become my home. if i stay too long, the weeds will arrest my bones. so, i breathe in and out. when i stray, my heart holds my home. i resign myself to my doubts. i accept debts, while happy to loan. if my hand holds fire, i better put it to use. if my enemy has water, there is no time for a truce. my body would burn before it trickled down, and there are things to burn with the fire i found: the actors body, and the schools he founded; the tower prisons, and the ropes we're bound in. then, retire to the mountains alone, to look down on the fields. too old to help move the stones, but hoping things will heal.
it has been kind of a weird day. found out last night my neighbor, barry, drowned while swimming off the coast of st. augustine yesterday. though, i didn't now him well at all, i do hang out with his roommate niles from time to time. and i would see him everyday biking to work. he was 22, had a girl he loved, and no family.
i was thinking about him all day today. it's bizarre when someone you see on a some what regular basis turns into a memory. you get a bit of a mortality check. in a way it can also leave a positive impact. it made me appreciate everyone i saw today just a little bit more.
on another note, i bought plane tickets to go to seattle with brett for two weeks at the end of june. we are going to meet up with john jerry there and explore the northwest. apparently starting in june, you wont need a passport to get into canada, so im definitely going to go there and get some free healthcare and not free alcohol. hopefully we also make it down to san francisco and stay with some friends.
some guy at danny's work gave him a crate load of used porn from the 90's a few days ago. i walked into my room yesterday to find my room covered in porn. moneyshots in the closet, handjobs on the ceiling, and spread eagles on the mirror. and of all people, hannah fessed up to it. thanks dude.
ha
tomorrow i have off and am getting breakfast/grocery shopping/wayward council with my good friend kia. luv ya gurl.
-the top (delicious mostly vegetarian cuisine) -vegan ice cream (doesn't give me that horrible feeling in my stomach regular ice cream does) -reality bites (bought it for a buck at video rodeo, great date movie) -the anchorite four (thanks for all the cd's, patrick. they can be yours for 4$ at wayward council) -renee penault (probably has put me through more physical pain than anyone i know, but can buzz out a tattoo like it's nobody's business) -no idea records (my buddy *replay* dave gave me the grand tour of the no idea house yesterday. it was so overwhelming. more records/cd's/tapes/shirts than i know what to do with myself.)
i fucking love pop punk. this past year or so i have been especially on a pop punk kick. oh who am i kidding, i have always been such a sucker for the music. since i have been down in fort myers, ive been listening to a bunch of random shit. a lot of madvillain and a shit ton of get up kids.
its been a good week since i've been down. its been a lot of chill time with people i never really get to see anymore. brett also hitched a ride from 305 fest to fort myers. i was supposed to go back up to gainesville today with brett, adro, and jessica but my car shit out. it's the alternator (i think?), the garage i got my car towed to has been taking their sweet time to fix the thing. it's fine though, i dont mind going to bennett's everyday and i especially dont mind whatever delicious foods my mom decides to make.
things i gotta do: fix computer fix bike
when i grow up. i want to be like me. and when you grow up i hope that you're still like you.
been down in fort myers these past couple days, and having a pretty good time. i went to the caloosa nature center yesterday with evan and andy and watched a pretty sweet manatee doc followed by a walk through the trails. im pretty stoked for the show tonight, i havent been to a show in the fort for about a year.
im moving to tallahassee come august 15th. it should be a pretty fun experience, i'll be living with evan (thompson) and evan (blackcherry?) in a pretty sick house in the student ghetto. i went to highschool with one of our neighbors at the new house. its going to suck leaving gainesville but i think im probably going to switch towns every two years or so. when i get my bachelors ill probably be moving out of the state or even the country for a while.
I was hanging on by a little thread. Just minutes before I was on a mountain. I screamed "I can see all." The ground broke from the sound. It was all built on nothing. And the pretty lights down below Begged me to just let go; To let myself be condemned; To start again.
I opened up my aching hands. I went down like an avalanche. I tool with me the things I found. I used them to help slow me down, And start again.
Caution: the solid ground that you Are on will slide from under you
i also started seeing this girl, ilana. she is way cool.
some crazy shit happened today. i was walking through the woods in paynes prairie with hannah and danny. while strolling down a path we came to a clearing scattered with hog corpses. no shit, there was about 13 of them. they were all being eaten by vultures, i think im going to go back tomorrow and get some pictures.
so i decided to do this livejournal thing where you comment on someone elses lj and they give you 5 things that they associate you with. i chose colby cause i figured he knows me pretty well.
1. "spud" 2. beard 3. russian assault rifles 4. weed 5. best friend's little brother=one of my best friends
1. "spud" was the nickname from ages 0-3. everyone called me "spud", everyone. when i was born a small article ran in the news-press reading, "a spud is born". my dad came up with it but why he chose "spud", i dont know. colby is familiar with this nickname because he was friends with my brother before i was even born.
2. beard. what can i say, i dont like shaving. its a pain in the ass and i always cut myself and/or get razor burn. fuck that. and when it comes down to it i just think i look better with facial hair than without. as i type these words to you now, i am bearded.
3. russian assault rifles. colby is referring the to the 1957 Chinese SKS that i acquired in the winter of 2007. although very similar to the AK-47, it cannot be fired fully automatically. hence it is a carbine and not an assault rifle. although mine is a Chinese model, the SKS was originally invented by the Russians. ive managed to keep this gun a secret from my mother since i bought it. i feel pretty guilty about hiding things from my mom, but i think i'm responsible with it. the only things i shoot are paper targets and the occasional can. if anyone wants to hit up the range with me, let me know.
4. weed. its better for you than alcohol or cigarettes.
5. best friend's little brother=one of my best friends. as i was saying earlier, colby has been friends with andy since before i was born. he held me when i was an infant. so ive spent many days and many nights (usually blowing things up) with colby. hell, i used to live with him. he is a very trusted comrade.
if anyone wants a list from me, comment.
nothing too exciting has happened since i last posted.
i got a big ol' crush on this girl with dreads that sits behind me in algebra. i want to ask her on a date, but dont know how to go about it.
been riding the hawthorne pretty regularly and taking some pictures, hopefully i will have some up soon.
lets go exploring is playing at wayward on friday, im pretty stoked.
i saw the gainesville liberation orchestra or the G.L.O. last night at wayward for the first time and they were sooooo good.
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xvoorheesx's journal
